Patrício Batemaninho

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Kitsune "Bloom" Compression-Lined Shorts - Navy



Do your nethers begin to tingle when you walk past the floral section of your local big box market? When people tell you should stop and smell the roses do you not only agree but feel an overwhelming desire to rub your squishy bits on them? When you buy your significant other a springtime bouquet, so you secretly wish you could shove it down your pants and wear it all day?

You may be a Dendropheliac.

The folks at Kitsune have you covered with the “Bloom” compression lined shorts. You’ll be rolling in the clover- er- cherry blossoms and only your training partners will know.

Get your stamen or pistil in these today.

* I’m no one to judge but you’re a weirdo who wants to hump flowers.
* Beware of thorns.
  
1/30/2023 11:02:22 PM
0 Comments
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi



Murdered out. An appropriate description for one of the baddest, most modern, competition kimonos from the innovative minds at 93 Brand.

Like ninjas, Spider-Man’s “Back in Black” suit, Sith Lords, black German Shepherd K-9’s, Secret Service Tahoes, stealth bombers, Mercedes S-Classes on Wall Street, the “C-Spec Blackout Kimono” is all business. It’s the competition kimono version of FAFO. It’s 550 GSM (gisms) of IBJJF legal “I’ma fuck you up”, specifically tailored to be a pearl-woven, drill cotton, suit of mat armor.

Think you’ve got what it takes to live up to it? More importantly, does your Profesór?

* Jiu-Jitsu skill not included
* You better bring the hate if you’re wearing this beast.
  
1/29/2023 11:07:01 PM
1 Comment
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard



As ive said many times before, I love the way Aesthetic uses the word “Aesthetic” ironically. They may as well revamp their entire lineup’s names and switch it up woth some truth in advertising: The “I picked a bunch of options from a Pakistani manufaturer’s website and this is the best i could do” rashguard. Or the “Check out how pretentious this ambigram embroidery is on an otherwise base model kimono”

*Good taste sold separately
** liscense to Sketchpad (1983) not included.   
1/29/2023 1:42:49 AM
1 Comment
Scramble Nostromo Long Sleeve Rashguard



From the minds at Scramble Brand comes the coolest rashguard this side of LV-426.

Inspired by the CRT monitors of Bison M-Class, star freighters, the sublimated graphics are sure to make you feel like taking on an incubator chamber full of face huggers. You’ll be applying knee on bellies that’ll make your partner feel like a baby xenomorph is about to erupt from their abdomen. You’ll be setting in mata-leao's on corporate dickheads with your forearms protected by Scramble’s stretch fabric.

Get your Nostromo rashguard and stomp some xenomorph tail today. I just did.   
1/27/2023 11:01:52 PM
2 Comments
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey



Because people who train are a-maize-ing.   
1/27/2023 11:20:42 AM
1 Comment
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey



Cant contain your “Brony” status any longer but literally dont have the testosterone to shout it from the rooftops? Well Meerkatsu has you covered with the “Zen Unicorn” kimono. The understated gray 450 gsm fabric with tasteful black accents will ensure that you arent gawked at like those weirdos in the tie dued kimonos. Fully emboidered Zen Unicorn logos feature on the sleeves in a rainbow of colors sure to match your hair and beard. And here’s the best part, the full color graphics of your favorite mythological creature are sublimated onto the inside yole of the kimono top! You’ll have the silky sweetmess of the Zen Unicorn rubbing all over your pimply shoulders every time you put it on.

Tell the world you trawl dark web fetish sites without telling them you trawl dark web fetish sites.

*Unicorn ear headband and pin on tail not included
** Compatible woth most aftermarket bridle gags and hooves
*** Discount for Starbucks partners no longer valid.   
1/26/2023 11:12:15 PM
2 Comments
Phalanx "Squad Hawk" Rashguard



I like it. It’s Phalanx. Buy it.   
1/25/2023 11:04:44 PM
2 Comments
93brand "Butterfly Originals" Casual Gi Pants - Midnight Navy Colorway



No story, no fluff, just an honest review of one of my favorite products by one of my favorite brands.

In fact, I’m wearing a pair as I type this.

What you’re gonna hate:

None of the pockets are great. They all hold stuff but none hold stuff really well.

The side pockets are a little low, and the inside of the pockets doesn’t seem really secure, although they are a VAST improvement over the first generation casual Gi pants which acted like a repulsive beam that would literally throw whatever you’d just placed in your pockets right out. The gen 2 pants now have a rearward slant in them that funnels the stuff in your pockets down to one corner. My keys and wallet have both been held securely all day.

The back pocket is too short and too wide to hold your phone securely. It just kind of flops around in there. I know the item description says wallet but what kind of simple chode carries a wallet in their back pocket anymore?

The side lower thigh pocket is just for decoration unless you plan on carrying your mouth guard around with you for those grudge matches in the parking lot of the Açaí Bowl Shop.

There is no provision for a fly so you better get used to being an “over the fence” guy. Thing is, if you have stuff in the pockets you’re gonna be fighting to keep your pants up with one hand and aiming your Pat Shagholi with the other.

If you’re a jujiteira, you’ll have to deal with the pull your pants down tango you’re already used to.

I suggest a Fanny pack if you want to carry lots of gear, securely.

What you’re gonna love:

The cut of these pants is awesome! 93 Band hit it out of the park. They are comfortable, versatile and stylish. I’ve worn them knocking around the house on a lazy Sunday, paired them with a tee and flip flops for casual stuff in town and I’ve also worn them with some nice sneakers and an untucked button down or polo, with a light jacket, to go to dinner or the movies with a date. Think a really cool pair of chinos or jeans.

The tailoring is perfect I’m 6’ 195lbs and I bought the A2 and they fit great after shrinking in hot/hot. My buddy is 5’9” 230lbs and bought the A2H and he loves his too. They do shrink, but in a good way. Treat them like you treat a new set of kimono pants or 501’s until they fit like you want them too.

The material is rip stop so they can definitely benefit from fabric softener or dryer balls. They just seem to get better with every wash.

The color on the navy version is deep, rich navy. Super versatile and I haven’t had any issues with significant fading. I wear mine all the time. My buddy’s olive green ones look awesomely broken in now, like those surplus, rip-stop, OD green, Vietnam jungle fatigues everyone wore in their “skate or die”, “Dead Kennedys” youth.

With all of their shortcomings, this is an awesome set of casual pants. I’ll be buying more tonight. I hope they become your favorite pants too.

You can sleep in them but don’t sleep on them. Get ‘em tonight.

P.s. there was a lot of interest on IG this afternoon so I wouldn’t be surprised if the popular (if not all) sizes sell out tonight   
1/24/2023 11:01:43 PM
1 Comment
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi - Mint/Green



On call in the ER and still want to get a few rolls in? Got a quick Thoracic Aortic Repair butting up a little too close after competition class? Never been a doctor but always wanted doctor pay?

Trying to impress that partner that loves those chalky pastel after dinner mints? Have a partner with a brown kimono and think it’d be cool to make an Andes mint colored ball when you roll? Love the early 80’s, South Beach, Miami Vice aesthetic but don’t have a kit car Lambo, want to have to get a spiky mullet or listen to Wham!?

Well inverted gear has you covered with one of the most comfortable kimonos I’ve ever worn. Made of 350gsm 80/20, Cotton/ Hemp “hybrid weave” the “Hemp Hybrid” Kimono will keep you cool and more importantly keep you looking cool. The hemp fibers in the weave make this kimono light and durable.

The 12oz Ripstop pants have the hybrid cloth in the gusset, have a secret mouth guard pocket (that can be used for the hospital badge you bought on the dark web) and come with an elastic drawstring woven through Inverted’s innovative 6 loop system.

Feel like a surgeon on the mats, get your shaky hands on an Inverted Hybrid Kimono today.
  
1/23/2023 11:01:07 PM
1 Comment
Fuji Home Roll Out Mats




Actual ohoto of what some of you are rolling on.

Buy Fuji mats.   
1/22/2023 11:01:04 PM
1 Comment
Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK



Ever wonder why your teammates feign injuries just to avoid rolling with you? Ever notice oil rings rippling away from your body when you jump in a pool? Is your athlete’s foot and ringworm starting to show in places people can see? Does the seat of your kimono pants smell like nacho cheese, Fritos and raw onions no matter how many times you wash it in Dawn? Did you really think they call you Skunk Ape because of your grappling prowess?

Soak that stinky kimono in lighter fluid and set a match to it. You can’t douse yourself in gasoline and immolate yourself- you’d have to miss training. What can you do?

Armbar Soap company has the answer.

Armbar soaps are made with 100% natural ingredients. Each bar contains anti-bacterial and anti-fungal essential oils and all natural moisturizers. They’ll get you clean, keep you bug free and make you smell so good, everyone will be lining up to choke you out.

As always, Armbar Soaps are sulfate and paraben free.

Get rid of the swamp ass. Get your Armbar Soap.

(And for the love of all that is good, buy a new kimono)  
1/21/2023 11:51:09 PM
1 Comment
Phalanx "Beast Mode" Long Sleeve Rash Guard



Caffeine sensitive? Preworkout make you tingle in your nethers and itch all over? Too scared that your walnuts will turn into hazelnuts on the “bomba”?

Forget all that nonsense and unleash the beast inside with Phalanx’s “Beast” rashguard!

Phalanx’s proprietary 4-way stretch fabric provides just the right amount of compression while still providing full freedom of movement on all planes. The sublimated graphics will let the players and the spectators know that theres about to be a massacre on the mats.

Unleash the beast without taking off your shorts. Show them your wild side with the Phalanx “Beast” rashguard.

* The FDA has not reviewd theae claims.
** Not responsible for an increase in frequency of USADA testing while using this product.   
1/20/2023 11:15:10 PM
0 Comments
Fuji Elemental Gi (Blue)



Drawing inspiration from James Cameron’s blockbuster film franchise “Avatar”, Fuji’s “Elemental” kimono is a must-have addition to your competition kimono collection.

The “lightweight”*, 100% cotton, Na’vi Blue, pearl fabric is perfect for training or competition and will have you feeling some type of way every time you see yourself in the reflection of your dojo’s windows. Youll be ready to plug your neural whip right into Pandora’s box.

* Actual fabric weight not disclosed (Fuji never does)- it’s a Fuji. You get what you get and you’ll like it and keep buying more.
** IBJJF Legal even if it isn’t- because its a Fuji. Come on, what are you, new?
  
1/19/2023 11:24:54 PM
1 Comment
Finishers "Reaper" Rashguard



Finisher’s is a strong team. Sorry I missed this one- would have loved to support them.   
1/19/2023 10:39:47 AM
0 Comments
Nation Athletic "Therapeutic Violence" Hoodie




Seems vaguely familiar.   
1/17/2023 11:23:42 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Grey Worlds" HPTX Shorts



Phalanx does it again! Whether chasing your PR on those ridiculous kipping pullups, thrusting your pelvis agressively at the person in front of you, chasing the perfect KB swing, practicing your rubber guard on the mats, riding some tasty waves or sucking down some fine Lager suds at a bechside taco stand at sunset, the Phalanx “Gray Worlds” HPTX shorts have you covered both literally and figuratively.

The HPTX 4-way stretch 100% poly fabric ensures nothing will cramp your style in the box, on the mats or cruising the boardwalk. The wide, heavy duty waistband ensures the only crack youll see is the stuff the homeless guy who set up camp near the public bathrooms has in his glass pipe. No pockets means you always have an excuse to make your date pay. You dont have to mention the hidden pocket- unless you get hammered at said beach bar and start a fight by calling all of the crossfit guys from the box you dropped in on, pussies, then after you choke one, or two out, stumble over to the homeless guy by the batrooms and tell him that no one understands you, (did you take a hit, who knows? you cant remember shit) when all of a sudden the homeless encampment gets raided and because you looks like you rolled around in the shitty end of a dog park and are covered in other peoples blood (not to mention youre REALLY hammered) so you look like the mayor of Shantytown and get hauled off in the paddy wagon. Then youll have to mention the hidden pocket to the booking officer.

You may look like crap and your near term outlook may be pretty bleak, but the sublimated graphics will look like they just came out of the laundry for years to come.

Dont wait, do yourself a favor and make sure you look good at your arraignment. Get yourself a pair of the Phalanx “Gray Worlds” HPTX shorts today- hell, at this price get two! I did!

* Buyer assumes all reaponsibility for securing bail
** Fanny pack with all of your important stuff that youll probably leave at the bar because youre so wasted, sold separately.

  
1/17/2023 1:27:02 AM
2 Comments
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu



FYI- 1 oz./yd2= 33.906 g/m2 (gsm). So both this kimono and the zubon is

are about 475 gsm   
1/16/2023 11:36:45 AM
0 Comments
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu




Looks like 93 brand took inspiration from Mrs. Batemantinho’s Chanel tote. Would snatch up if it werent for the canvas. I prefer not to bake in my kimonos. I’m on vacation. May or may not be available for product descriptions in the coming days.   
1/15/2023 11:44:51 PM
2 Comments
Tatami Fraction Rashguard




You’ll never take me alive, Copper!   
1/14/2023 11:49:31 PM
0 Comments
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue



Love the cheesy reality TV shows of the early 2000’s and their alliterative titles? Then Tatami’s Kimura’s and Kimono’s t-shirt is for you.

Drawing inspiration from the little known, martial arts reality show pitched to junior producers at MTV 3, after a rager with shake weed, not enough Parliament Lights and too many 18 packs of Meister Braü, Tatami reluctantly rakes the muck of Martial arts television programming.

Hosted by Danny Bonaduce with starring roles for such noteworthy celebrities such as: Gary Coleman, That kid from The Wonder Years that everyone thought was Marilyn Manson, Joey From Blossom, the bassist from Alien Ant Farm with the crazy eyebrow tricks, the less anorexic Olsen Twin, Rob Schneider, Farva from Super Troopers, That guy you were really surprised to find out was on SNL for three seasons because you only remember him as a minor character in Sandler movies and more!

Relive the early days of modern pop culture that laid the crappy foundation for pop culture today and snatch up your very own, 100% non wicking, non tech, non organic, Taiwanese sweat shop, child-labor produced cotton tee.

* The Snuggie sold separately
** Flavor Flav not affiliated with this product.   
1/13/2023 11:42:44 PM
5 Comments
Scramble Varsity Gi - White



The Scramble “Varsity” kimono harkens back to a simpler time. Sock hops, poodle skirts, bobby socks, saddle shoes and tuck and roll upholstered back seats. If you loved American Graffiti, Animal House, Grease and Porky’s, this is the kimono for you.

The Varsity kimono isn’t all Brylcream and Aqua Velva. A stylized skull on the shoulder leta your opponents know that just because you’re wearing a giant, cute, fuzzy letter on you chest, doesn’t mean you should be underestimated (even though the skull is fuzzy too).

* Coney Islant Whitefish not included.
** Not responsible for a sudden penchant for staying out past curfew to listen to doo-wop music and roll up a pack of smokes in your rashguard sleeve.   
1/12/2023 11:26:01 PM
1 Comment
Kitsune "Red Skies" Compression-Lined Shorts



If you’ve ever wandered what the grappling shorts version of a mullet is, Kitsune has you covered.

Kitsune’s “red sky grappling shorts are all business in the outside, nonstop, Tokyo, underground Yakuza party underneath. The understated four-way stretch outer layer will get you into the most respectable dojo’s in town. When things get heavy on the mats, you’ll have your competition quaking at the thought of losing a pinky to yubisume thanks to the sublimated, traditional Irezumi design on the modesty/compression liner.

Show ‘em who’s boss, show them your Kitsune.

* Strict codes of conduct enforced
** Kitsune does not condone illegal gambling or loan sharking. Buyer assumes liability.


  
1/11/2023 11:56:21 PM
2 Comments
Phalanx "Arctic Black Ops" Rashguard



Love JiuJitsu but love first-person shooters too? Well Phalanx has you covered with the “Artic Black Ops” rashguard. Stay frosty even in the hottest, most hostile, non-permissive dojo’s. Phalanx’s 4-way stretch fabric gives you the freedom of movement to drive your solid snake into them in a triangle. Long sleeves ensure maximum protection as you sink in the Mata Leao and make your opponent feel the call of doody. You’ll move like a ghost as you take down 10th Planet Austin’s infamous “Rainbow Six” one color of the rainbow at a time.

Its time to level up your rashguard game.

* GPNVG Sold separately
** ITAR restrictions apply.   
1/10/2023 11:53:10 PM
2 Comments
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)



Feeling out of place in a world full of normies? all of your BJJ tees still in the hamper because mom has been pulling doubles at the hospital to make ends meet? Tired of walking into Planet Fitness and being mistaken for a run of the mill gym bro? Making beats at the Starbuck’s and nobody knows you could choke them out with a single or a combination of Rener Gracie’s 32 principles? Then the Fuji “Lifestyle” pack may be the backpack you need.
Tired of not being appreciated for your skills in a world full of normies? All your BJJ tees still in the hamper because mom has been pulling double shifts at work to make ends meet? Tired of walking into Planet Fitness and being mistaken for any other gym bro or aspiring fitness influencer? Making beats at the Starbuck’s and disgusted that you could take anyone in the place out with one or several of Rener’s “32 principles”? Then the Fuji “Lifestyle” pack may be the load bearing vessel for you. Youll exchange knowing head nods with every other white belt you encounter in the urban jungle.

Made of high denier Cordura nylon, with genuine YKK zippers throughout, the lifestyle pack has all the room you need for your laptop, your Beats by Dr.Dre, your bulleting journal, your D&D gear and your Nintendo Switch. Additional pockets for a water bottle and a power bank, and a generous front pocket for your retainer case and your InkJoy journaling pens, round out the pack’s cargo capacity. Theres even a fancy key-fob with some Japanese Kanji to give you cred with the manga crowd and for when your mom trusts you enough to get your key back.

* Transit Authority bus pass not included
** Pit Viper sunglasses sold separately  
1/9/2023 11:24:26 PM
4 Comments
93brand "Nineties" Long Sleeve Rash Guard



Are you a mediocre jiujitsu player by day and neurotic, narcissistic, condescending comic by night? Do you regularly fisnd yourself asking what the deal is with this thing, that thing or the other? Does your meal prep consist of bowls of Honey-Oh’s! and bottles of snapple? Do you spend your free time at Monk’s Diner with your ex-girlfriend and your idiotic but affable best friend waxing intellectual about nonsense? Does your eccentric next door neighbor barge into your apartment and raid your fridge as if it were his own? If so, then this may just be the rashguard youve been waiting for.

Drawing inspiration from matches around the Festivus Pole, the team at 93 Brand have taken artistic liscence to new lows. The 90’s colorway takes you back to a time when comedy died over 9 long seasons. You’ll have your rolling partners tapping out seeking “serenity now”

*no jacket required
*Art Vandelay, H.E. Pennypacker and Kel Varnsin not included   
1/8/2023 11:35:16 PM
0 Comments
93brand "Nineties" Long Sleeve Rash Guard



This is where I draw the line. Not worth the brainpower it would take to describe this travesty.   
1/8/2023 11:05:12 PM
1 Comment
Manto "Future" Rashguard - Black



Beought to you by the minds at Weyland Yutani, The Tyrell Corporation and Fightwear brand, Manto, The “Future” rashguard is shure to turn heads on and off-world.

Whether lounging in the cryo bay with a bunch of strapping space marines after hypersleep, Decompressing after a long day of putting down replicant uprisings off of the Tannehauser Gate, fighting bugs on Hadley’s Hope or just grappling with a combat model Nexus 6 in beautiful downtown LA, this rashguard is for you.

*Negative Voight-Kampff test required for purchase.

**Pfläger-Katsumata Series D 5223 and Armat Battlefield Systems M-241A sold separately.


  
1/8/2023 12:59:01 AM
2 Comments
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees



Let your t-shirt do the talking when your Jiu-jitsu can’t.

Tired of thugs giving you hard looks as you queue up in line at the food court Cinnabon? Frustrated that you haven’t been able to tell enough people how your life has changed since you began training almost 3 months ago? Do you tell anyone who’ll lend an ear that you’ve “become comfortable with being uncomfortable”? Have a nagging itch to wear one of 12 new kimonos youve bought off of BJJhq in public because “no pockets”. Annoyed that your genuine white belt keychain you had made on Etsy is turning gray and the rank bar is only big enough to hold one stripe- what happens when you get your next one??? Want all of the chicks at the bar to fawn all over you the way they do for your bro-vet buddy who wears nothing but Grunt Style tees?

Fret no longer! You’ll be able to proudly annouce to the world that you train- and it saved your life- without saying a word.

Gracie Mail-order blue belt sold separately.
Terms and conditions apply.   
1/6/2023 11:19:53 PM
2 Comments
Manto "X4" Gi (Royal Blue)




Taking inspiration from your favorite hi-viz safety vest, the Manto x4 is sure to get you noticed on and off the mats. Moonlighting as a Walmart greeter and running late after class- Manto has you covered. Laying cable in dark, dirty, man holes? This is the kimono for you.

Plastic flashlight with traffic cone and hard sold separately.   
1/5/2023 11:19:30 PM
1 Comment
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral



Abrasion resistant, black stretch fabric, tasteful coral accents to match the spare rashguard in the 93 Brand Standard Issue 2-pack that was destined to lay untouched in the bottom drawer of my dedicated no-gi bureau, stretchy crotch for those occasions when someone's mom wants to roll, the cutest little full-color, embroidered logo this side of Mutual of Omaha's Wild kingdom. A must buy- so I did.   
1/4/2023 11:18:42 PM
2 Comments
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts




If you ever said “Aww Mom, just one more game, please!!!” The Phalanx “Sharp” HPTX shorts are for you!

Relive your glory days of slurping down Orange Juliuses while you and your friends stared in amazement at the state of the art graphics standing around the Mortal Kombat machine.

These lightweight 100% polyester shorts feature a drawstring elastic waistband with no Velcro (unlike your Reebok Aerobics HI’s). The sublimated “Sharp” pattern was taken directly from the carpet of a national arcade franchise and is sure to cause a dance, dance revolution in your dojo.

These just the ticket to take you back to the days of random boners and wearing your headgear to bed.

You’ll also receive the added bonus of simulated ground in ABC gum iron on decals, burnt vacuum cleaner belt and ozone scented dryer sheets and a “No food or drinks allowed” patch.

Tokens not included.   
1/3/2023 11:45:11 PM
5 Comments
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black



Celebrating the obsolesence of notorious sactioning body, The IBJJF, Tatami’s “Obsolete” gi takes styling cues from 5 year old fashion trends. At 475 gsm, this heavyweight gi is bound to be as oppressive as each new season’s IBJJF rule book. You’ll feel the excitement of finding a Supreme tshirt hidden among the racks of discount retailers like Ross or Marshall’s every time you lay eyes on the ostentaious, yet vaguely familiar branding. “That font, is it supreme or McDonalds?” Buck up, its definitely not Mcdonalds. Youll feel as fly as that guy you see collecting shopping carts in his knockoff Yeezy croc thingys.

  
1/2/2023 11:51:35 PM
3 Comments
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard



I love that Aesthetic Brand usues the word aesthetic ironically.   
1/2/2023 1:41:43 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard



Scramble shorts with built in short spats on top of scramble long spats is Alpha. The model looking like a fat version of Tate is no cooincidence.   
1/2/2023 1:07:01 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard



Fuji mats. Well done. I have 4 of the black in my playroom. Bodily fluids clean right up however they are succeptible to buckle rash from strait jackets or arm/leg restraints.   
1/1/2023 11:52:13 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard



Great looking shorts but why the middle seam on the liner? That’s non STI related blister in the making.   
1/1/2023 11:36:52 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard



Theres your soap. I pray i never have to hear about it again.   
1/1/2023 11:28:28 PM
2 Comments
Tatami Azure Dragon Rashguard



If youre a young martial artist living in Harlem who has dedicated your life to attaining the mastery of the legendary master, Bruce Lee, who by a matter of happenstance saves one of Prince’s harem (arguably the hottest) who goes on to become an evangelist in real life and is then forced to keep her safe from the Shogun of Harlem, this rashguard may be for you.

Oh and heres the best part, along the way you may lise your virginity (but dont count on it if youre wearing this).

Happy New Year!  
12/31/2022 11:10:59 PM
0 Comments
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard




If you spent your weekends, cruising the mall, carrying your Powell Mike McGill by the front truck, playing with the gadgets at The Sharper Image and shoplifting cassettes from Hastings music while trying to get upskirt views of the girls ascending on the escalator, then scarfing down a slice at Sbarro; this is the rashguard for you.   
12/30/2022 11:22:52 PM
4 Comments
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)




I find the tramp stamp on this one to be well executed and although not subtle, tasteful. This is definitely more ‘left university where they were persuing a degree in Art Science with a focus on Phallic Sculpture in Early Mesopotamian Civilizations, to become a potter by day and a burlesque dancer by night’ and less ‘left home because mom’s boyfriend used to watch me shower so my boyfriend beat his ass and we moved to Vegas so i could support his dreams of becoming a metal guitarist by dancing the dayshift at a locals club off the strip’.

8/10 will buy.   
12/29/2022 11:30:50 PM
4 Comments
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy



This certainly has a… vibe. It’s the whole Yale thing. Closets and cocaine… Tragic.   
12/27/2022 11:19:22 PM
0 Comments
Scramble Peace and Violence Spats



So much promise over the last few nights only to come to this… Looking like the CBN Movie of the Week version of a tattoed convict. No thank you. Nonthank you.

Very disappointing.

I did NOT buy this deal.   
12/27/2022 12:01:19 AM
1 Comment
Scramble Peace and Violence Spats



Bjjhqburner (at) gmail (dot) com *

*Not affiliated with this site.   
12/26/2022 11:04:08 PM
1 Comment
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black



Since all of these have sold out, i hope this isnt a gaux pas. Admin please remove if not allowed.

I have a black canvas A2H Inverted kimono that i purchased by mistake. Laundered once, never trained in. Comes with matching gi bag. First dibs gets it for actual shipping cost within CONUS. Merry Christmas.   
12/26/2022 5:51:55 PM
0 Comments
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black



I believe in taking care of my kimonos. In the washer I use cold water. Warm or hot water fades colors and shrinks organic fibers. I Fill the washer with volcanically filtered Artesian spring water I have imported from a aquifer in Fiji, then add a cup of an artisanal white vinegar and a cup of certified kosher salt harvested from the Dead Sea. I allow the salt to completely dissolve in the cold water then place the kimono in the tub. I allow the kimono to soak for exactly 3 hours prior to beginning the wash cycle. While the kimono soaks, I meditate then I prepare the rest of my routine. I remove the kimono from the washer immediately upon completion of the final spin cycle to prevent wrinkling. I then hang the kimono jacket on a selectively and sustainably harvested bamboo hangar I had made by a craftsman in Java. I hang the pants on an up-cycled, surgical stainless steel trouser hangar. Both pieces are then hung in a climate controlled garment drying closet kept at precisely 77° Fahrenheit at 56% humidity with a solar powered fan blowing on them at 8mph. Once the garment is completely dry, I place it into a tumble cycle with no heat along with 6 organic dryer balls made from ethically harvested merino will from New Zealand to impart softness. This lends an impeccable hand to the fabric. The dried and softened kimono is then placed on a cedar hangar and kept in my kimono vault until such time as it is called up in the rotation  
12/26/2022 2:55:07 AM
2 Comments
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black



Mother fucker! Anyone want to buy an Ecru Scramble Athlete?   
12/26/2022 12:32:15 AM
0 Comments
Scramble "Athlete" Gi Ecru (Unbleached Special Edition)



That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.   
12/21/2022 3:46:15 AM
0 Comments
Scramble "Athlete" Gi Ecru (Unbleached Special Edition)



Well, if she divorces me ill have more room in the closet for this one.   
12/21/2022 12:58:45 AM
0 Comments
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi



Yeah, I bought this deal… FML  
12/19/2022 12:31:00 AM
2 Comments
Tatami ArmourTech Dry Fit T-Shirt



What in the soccer hooligan, rave culture is going in here?  
11/24/2022 11:04:02 PM
1 Comment
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey



These are gonna be big in ATX and PDX   
10/20/2022 8:03:19 AM
0 Comments
Tatami Estilo 6.0 BJJ Gi - Black/Purple



I was like “Finally… A black gi with purple embroidery…”  
10/10/2022 8:50:24 AM
0 Comments
Manto "Future" Rashguard - Black



Looks like Enter The Dork.   
8/23/2022 7:50:11 AM
0 Comments
Comment on:
Manto "Future" Rashguard - Black

@Jimmy- plot twist, its your mom… O_O
8/23/2022 7:53:33 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo BJJ Gi - White

Its not, though. The embroidery is pale baby blue. I have one and bought it for the same reason. Its not that bad though.
9/2/2022 12:38:55 AM
Comment on:
Manto "Just Be Nice" Rash Guard

Let me guess, he just got his first stripe on his white belt.
9/7/2022 12:42:38 AM
Comment on:
Scramble "Kano" Judo-Inspired BJJ Gi

With boners.
9/24/2022 6:32:52 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Bad Grapplers Club" Long Sleeve Rash Guard - Black

Similarly, i have vowed never to wear one without a rubber.
9/25/2022 11:21:00 AM
Comment on:
Tatami ArmourTech Dry Fit T-Shirt

Also, i did *not* buy this deal.
11/24/2022 11:04:31 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear's "Panda 400" Gi

Well, I never liked the idea of having just 9 gi’s…
At keast its comp legal. ???????
12/12/2022 4:21:30 PM
Comment on:
Scramble "3D Logo" Long Sleeve Rashguard

Were you just waking up from being choked out when you typed this?
12/17/2022 9:35:41 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

Its not hard. I did in over the course of about 5 years woth zero exercise.
12/19/2022 1:31:06 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

Only that my wife will notice the charge for yet another gi. Its Inverted Gear- solid as they come. Some of my favorite gi’s. I reqlly like their fit, patterns and materials. The only one I dont like is the canvas one. Its great if you like heavy gi’s but it feels like rolling in carhartt coveralls.
12/19/2022 1:29:12 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

Samurai- Close the distance, get the underhooks and control the hips. Good luck.
12/19/2022 1:32:41 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

Chungus, wash your gi and keep it away from smoke and it can stay crispy white forever.
12/19/2022 1:28:54 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

I have one. I hate it. Not the design, the material. Hot, heavy and gets sweat logged easily. Its the only gi in my ckoset that has inly been worn once. Imagine rolling in a carhartt jacket and pants. It will probaby outlast and outlive everything in the planet bit i found it too uncomfortable.

I love Inverted Gear though. One of, if not my favorite kimono brands.
12/19/2022 1:26:11 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi

Do it. We can start a club.
12/19/2022 1:33:21 PM
Comment on:
Scramble "Athlete" Gi Ecru (Unbleached Special Edition)

Exactly. I was raised on an ecru farm in Bolivia. I wear the scars proudly.
12/21/2022 12:40:49 AM
Comment on:
Scramble "Athlete" Gi Ecru (Unbleached Special Edition)

You should keep your pick up lines to yourself.
12/21/2022 1:20:35 AM
Comment on:
93brand Standard Issue Rashguard 2-PACK (Black, Smoke Grey)

I think thats a covert distress signal. Hes being held hostage by that hashie.
12/22/2022 12:26:07 AM
Comment on:
93brand Standard Issue Rashguard 2-PACK (Black, Smoke Grey)

#11 id like to take the back.
12/22/2022 12:23:35 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


C’mon, if it’s good enough for single moms and juggalettes, its good enough for you.
12/23/2022 12:16:34 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


So take it off the jacket and have it sewn on the pants. It’s no big deal.
12/23/2022 2:14:41 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


She looks like she smells of Newports, the inside of the food stamp office, the vinyl upholstery of a used cop impala, Enfamil puke and Fireball miniatures.
12/23/2022 2:19:22 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


I jitzzed all over the place thinking about the 93 Brand girl.
12/23/2022 2:12:49 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


Yeah, its a patch. Comes right off with a seam ripper.
12/23/2022 2:09:05 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


Thats original
12/23/2022 7:04:10 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


But did you?
12/23/2022 10:59:03 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


I mean, thats a big deal.
12/23/2022 10:59:35 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


Driff
12/23/2022 12:23:00 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


Well, the way this works is that many of these items on here are last years model, colorway, etc. overstock items, one-off’s, limited editions or closeouts. Bearing ghis in mind, it is not too much if a stretch to hypothesize that Fuji either sold out of “L” and “H” sizes or that this particular style was not offered in non-standard sizes.

Welcome to BJJHQ. Remember the comments section is only for shitposting, not actual questions or reviews. Youre on your own there.
12/23/2022 12:22:11 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi (Worldwide Edition)
Navy


*they
12/23/2022 12:10:06 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "State" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Its bot like the fish can read.
12/24/2022 2:14:44 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "State" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Eel Ecurb.
12/23/2022 11:13:31 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "State" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

For the sake of your training partners, I wish you success in your search.
12/24/2022 2:12:50 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Light on the Feet" Flip Flops

Pull guard.
12/25/2022 5:25:56 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Me too but I bought it for the gayness.
12/26/2022 12:34:24 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Merry fuck you to us all; Dongs bless us, every one.
12/26/2022 9:32:58 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

I like the way ripstop accentuates my “power bulge”.
12/26/2022 2:18:36 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

I did. Didnt help. Black bamboo gi inbound.
12/26/2022 12:35:23 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Not at all. My natural one has actually gotten softer. I hang dry and then tumble with a few wool dryer balls and no heat.
12/26/2022 1:35:30 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

I was addressing the “sandpapery” question. My experience is only with washing in cold and hanging to dry. I dont like fading or shrinking as I am vain and perfectly proportioned.
12/26/2022 2:15:12 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Thank you for the down votes. Its a good reminder that you can always be thinner, look better.
12/26/2022 9:36:11 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

I have to ask, to those that have had their gi shrink, are you washing and drying on “hot” or “warm”? Im genuinely perplexed becau i have the white and the natural Inverted Bamboo hybrid kimonos and have only experienced the slightest bit of shrinking and that was only on the top and mainly in the torso area. It was a little more fitted after hang drying but it stretched back out again after getting damp with sweat after training.
12/26/2022 2:45:57 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Or ecru.
12/26/2022 12:36:58 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Dak,

Imagine being so lonely, so starved for the attention mummy and daddy never give, that you create an account on an online retailer the day after christmas, simply to insert yourself into a conversation and illicit a response. Well played my lonely muppet. Well played. Now run along upstairs. Your mom says your Bagel Bites are ready.
12/26/2022 1:04:24 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Paolo Allen does Tae Kwon Do and has his uniforms dry cleaned. Hes a barbarian.
12/26/2022 1:07:54 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Bamboo Panda - All Black

Who says I train? I just like the way kimono’s make me look.
12/26/2022 3:39:53 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Peace and Violence Spats

I see we’ve found the 1 person who bought these. Thanks for the dislike.
12/27/2022 12:30:40 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Peace and Violence Spats

Me too, Thumb. Me too.
12/27/2022 2:29:46 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

Did it come with saddle shoes and an invitation to the Sadie Hawkins dance?
12/27/2022 11:44:04 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

My mind restructured your comment to read that you’d kicked the kids on the mat in kids class with your saddle shoes. That’s just sick.
12/28/2022 1:35:11 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

It certainly seems it will make someone’s BJ’s better.
12/27/2022 11:36:15 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

I have the Standard issue V2. They are very fitted and probably my favorite fitting gi for a lean, athletic build. If your chest is bigger than your waist and you dont have monster quads it fits really well. The pants on the standard have a slight taper toward the ankle that i like. Not bespoke by any means, but certainly less “pajamas” and more athletic uniform. If you have the means i recommend picking one up. But not this one.
12/27/2022 11:52:02 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

I recently purchased the ecru Athlete. It has yet to arrive. I’m cautiously optimistic that will have a similar cut to the Standard V2.
12/28/2022 4:31:13 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

Calling a woman’s manhood into question is particularly entertaining. Try that for starters. Bon chance!
12/28/2022 1:15:07 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

“The Delaware Child Groomers”
12/28/2022 11:06:30 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

It goes without saying that if you ride a moped, you enjoy it but bever admit it.
12/28/2022 1:23:24 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

G’day, hows your bum for grubs?

Your Duc is fun, yes? Its also sexy as hell, yes? Ao much so that you humblebrag about it, right?

A pedal assist 50cc moped is also fun to ride, but I reckon the Sheilas arent gonna be beating a path to your door for a blast through the outback, dodging roos, picking mozzies out of their teeth on it down to Bondi for a six pack of Vitamin B and some vegimite crusted shrimps on the barbie.

Fun but you defo dont want your friends to see you on it. Nor in this gi. Fair dinkum.

12/28/2022 4:52:04 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

“Lettering in varsity level grooming is something we try to keep in the family, son.”
12/28/2022 10:55:01 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

Their mom, on the other hand, looked like an olympic powerlifter- on the Soviet men’s team.
12/28/2022 10:57:17 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

Cooler still would be Jiu Jitsu becoming a national, sanctioned athletic sport at the secondary and collegiate levels where a player could earn an actual varsity jacket instead of buying items like this to relive their unfulfilled high school fantasies.
12/28/2022 12:46:35 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - Navy

Would you describe yourself as thick?
12/28/2022 4:32:55 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Coffee blood is just coffee.
12/28/2022 11:47:21 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

I wont wear this and my nipples are perfect.
12/28/2022 11:45:16 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Speaking of hot, dont rub your eyes after using warming lube. Forgive any typos, Im currently limited to the use of one eye.
12/29/2022 5:40:12 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Try the dark web.
12/28/2022 11:51:49 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

I stand corrected. You can find fanny packing right here on the regular web. Just turn SafeSearch off before you hit enter.
12/29/2022 1:48:53 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

I’m waiting for my neighbor’s labrador named Harvey to tell me what I should do next.
12/28/2022 11:54:48 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Would be ironically humorous if you wore it over a white gi.
12/28/2022 11:50:21 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

It sounds as though Khabib (and his bois) could smesh any time. Only they’re pretty devout so im not sure how how well slap-and-tickle hijinks wouldnbe recieved in a Dagestani hot tub full of professional killers. Maybe if you were a bear or a goat.
12/29/2022 1:45:22 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Mother, is that you?
12/28/2022 11:50:45 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Theres a shade of gray, not black, called charcoal. Try again.
12/28/2022 11:49:19 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Do better.
12/28/2022 11:55:42 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

I suspected you were correct but wanted confirmation so i asked my priest. He asked who are you? And then i realized I dont have a priest because i was raised protestant.

The answer is yes, mannequin nipples.
12/29/2022 1:38:50 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Its certainly leaky, runny, perhaps even soppy. Id wear it if one of my favorite pros did. Sadly i dont know any hookers that roll.
12/29/2022 5:45:53 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Snow" Rashguard

Because Minnesota.
12/29/2022 1:34:14 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


Try CVS or Walgreen’s. If you want the fancy stuff, Target is the ticket. If all else fails, theres Amazon. If you cant find something at that point then theres no real hope for you.
12/29/2022 11:41:03 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


Tasteful, softcore nip or gratuitous Pride Parade nip?
12/29/2022 11:36:19 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


Based on his recent troubles id venture to guess hes more concerned with the crotch gusset.
12/30/2022 6:15:36 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


The above four posters are my alter-ego accounts. This is all self-aggrandizement. Youre welcome for my service.
12/30/2022 11:29:18 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


Interestingly, beef from cattle contains true estrogens such as estradiol. Not sure about roast beef from vaginas, but ill take my chances with both. Soy contains phytoestrogens known as isoflavones. Coincidentally so do dairy milk and nut milks. The jury is out on what health effects isoflavones have on hormones but im still not going out of my way to consume them.
12/30/2022 7:42:32 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


*with the exception of asian cuisine. I love it but consume it infrequently enough that im not concerned with gynecomastia nor hypogonadism.
12/30/2022 7:45:59 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


I cant believe you both missed the comeback opportunity to say one or the other’s mom was so beat up she had cauliflower vagina. That works in several ways, really. It could mean that her labia suffered significant repeated trauma, one instance of high impact trauma or that due to her promiscuity, she contracted condyloma acuminata (anogenital warts) which can present with a cauliflower like appearance.

Do better.
12/30/2022 8:00:20 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


Mr. President, It is with some reluctance that i applaud your unwavering commitment to nonsensical babble abd incomprehensible jibberish. Your handlers have unabashedly changed the way our country is viewed by the world and by our own citizens. May the strings of your puppeteers hold you ever upright (except when you fall, that shits funny).
12/30/2022 12:05:40 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


It makes it appear more “World wide”.
12/30/2022 12:36:02 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


It’s a fine gi. Everyone i know that has one raves about them ad nauseum. It’s cotton therefore it will shrink, to what degree depends on how much time and care you choose to invest in laundering the garment. Nice flex on your stats, by the way. Im sure youre quite the specimen.
12/30/2022 6:11:03 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Suparaito Gi Black
(Worldwide Edition)


See what i mean?
12/30/2022 7:46:51 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

$55. Its a closeout item. Once you subtract the 10% discount for providing your email snd phone number that brings it down to $49.50 with free shipping. The bjjhq price is $42.00 shipped giving you a net savings of $7.50.
12/31/2022 3:25:37 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

Which incidentally is what a mom who shall remain nameless takes for the ‘ol” how’s your father?”
12/31/2022 4:56:13 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

Trolling deals. You forgot the T.
12/31/2022 11:32:57 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

In the words of the great stoic, Mediocrates “Meh, good enough”.
12/31/2022 10:53:04 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

Wrong again, Joe. Im afraid one of the children you sniffed may have been wearing an alcohol based hair spray, again.

The design you see above is known as “Jazz”. It was introduced in 1992, and is considered an icon of 1990s culture. “Jazz has also become a meme and has gained a cult following. Fans have applied the design to various objects, including automobiles, shirts, and shoes. Cups with the Jazz design were initially manufactured by Sweetheart Cup Company, which was later purchased by Solo Cup Company in 2004.” According to information aggregator, Wikipedia.

Theres some controversy over who deserves credit for the design. Gina Ekins of Swetheart of Bindware both contend the design was theirs.
12/31/2022 11:30:58 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

Uncle Patricio lives all of gis nieces and nephews. Happy Gregorian New Year!
12/31/2022 7:35:01 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

*loves. Siri hates Uncle Patricio and the feeling is mutual. Incidentally, SIRI is an offshoot of DARPA’s CALO atificial intelligence project. It was named after a coworker of one of the project’s founders. Her name was Sigrid for which Siri is the short form.
12/31/2022 7:44:43 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

Stay tuned for more fun facts.
12/31/2022 10:49:33 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Distorsion" Rashguard

You misspelled ‘phallus’, the plural of which is phalluses.
12/31/2022 4:04:52 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Azure Dragon Rashguard

Sold.
1/1/2023 1:16:31 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

I find the inconsistency of the female 93 brand models puzzling. The female model for this post is exquisite. Notice the string crossfit toned arms and quads. I midsection shaped by countless repetitions of L-sits and glutes shaped to perfection by kettlebell swings. I imagine her skin car routine is similar to mine as her complexion is flawless.

I dint give a shit about the guy or his Fantastic Sams faux hawk.
1/1/2023 11:21:47 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

@generic_whiteguy- Your all-caps tells me a lot about you. You were bullied and often made fun of as a child. You had very little aupport from your family in these matters and your father oftem brushed you off and told you to “man up”. Your mother drank heavily during your formative years and as such didnt have much time for you. Because of the neglect and the constant bullying, you didnt quite get iver wetting your bed until middle school- thats why you never wanted to go to sleep-overs. You took up martial arts because “Nobody is ever gonna pick on me again” and now you feel the need to assert your authority wherever you can, including the comments section of an online retailer.

Its ok to cry. Its not ok to boss people over who you have no authority around.
1/2/2023 4:58:32 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

Excuse the typos- replace o’s for i’s, etc…

Also should have been “over whom” in the last sentence.
1/2/2023 5:01:02 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

Dont give me a reason to search for it. Ive been fighting that urge since the short sleeve rashies posted a few weeks ago.
1/1/2023 11:27:18 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

Youre about 12 hours too late.
1/2/2023 1:46:15 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

I hope whoever disliked this comment gets eczema.
1/1/2023 11:34:55 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

May your inner thighs be ever chafed.
1/2/2023 12:31:50 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

Tell us you have daddy issues without telling us you have daddy issues.
1/2/2023 1:43:46 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Lightning Camo" Rashguard

You missed it in the first hour. Maybe lay off the Deca and Tren for a bit.
1/2/2023 1:08:52 PM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Glad to see the handi-capable represented in the comments. Do some more tag, it’s fun!
1/3/2023 12:44:12 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Self deprecation is endearing, I’m told.
1/3/2023 12:57:53 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

I wonder if the designers thought “obsolete” was a near enough antonym to “supreme”. They need a better thesaurus.
1/3/2023 8:25:18 PM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Dated and horrendous.
1/3/2023 12:03:36 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Asking the obvious question here; Could it be that the gi is normal and your top is undersized and bottom is oversized?
1/2/2023 11:56:26 PM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

That was rhetorical, but thank you for answering. Congratulations on your genetic normality.
1/3/2023 12:39:05 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Ahhh… A Louisianan.
1/3/2023 12:41:24 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Cant tell if your user name is a flex for your deadly, cat like arms or you like budget rifles with questionable quality control. Hoybor not the Supreme-esque logo is bound to be a hit at all if the gyms near Calle Ocho and 15th Av in Miami.
1/3/2023 12:02:54 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Dont forget the 10 oz. twill pants. Its like rolling in a wet beach towel. The swamp ass you get in these combined with the grips your partner will be able to sink in on you will make your jiujitsu that much better. Youll hate the gi, but youll thank the gi later. Probably.
1/3/2023 2:11:24 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

@clayton, tell us all about your duster collection. Do you wear a distressed leather fedora with them? Chaps? Awaiting your reaponse with bated beath…
1/3/2023 2:14:51 AM
Comment on:
Tatami OBSOLETE Gi Black

Control is an illusion held by the unenlightened, my singularly striated, azure sashed friend.
1/3/2023 1:22:04 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Kinda rad.
1/3/2023 11:46:48 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Awesome. Lol. I can smell the arcade.
1/4/2023 1:04:12 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

This is really good. Lmao
1/4/2023 8:35:55 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Hit submit too soon- still half asleep. Its really good to be mentioned in the same comment as dongs. I cant wait to tell my mom.
1/4/2023 8:39:09 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Incorrect. That distinction goes to middle-aged BMX guys. We have the second-worst humor.
1/4/2023 1:17:39 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I like it! Only I prefer Patricio.
1/4/2023 10:38:16 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Kidding aside, i have the Rizr version of these. They are great and they have velcro. I use them for training and as workout shorts. They look better in person.
1/4/2023 1:12:22 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Hypothetically speaking, if i did know Kayfabe and i broke her, it was consensual and we were protected by several layers of lanolin from NZ sheep and latex from the organic rubber mills in Djakarta.
1/4/2023 10:30:23 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Good. Now go have fun. Play nice with the other kids.
1/4/2023 9:11:54 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I was logged out last night as well. Had to clear cache just to be able to request a new password. Took me a bit to figure that one out.
1/4/2023 8:41:45 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I blame Obama.
1/4/2023 10:32:03 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Typically, one item is posted every 24 hours. The item remains listed whether the item has sold out or not. Once the item is gone and if it did not sell out, it will eventually return. Youll just have to keep an eye out for it. As my distinguished colleague above mentioned, the “Rolling Deals” happen infrequently, I’d say about once a quarter.

Since these are closeouts/ overstock/ old stock items once they’re gone they are gone… unless they come back (yeah, its one of the interesting quirks)

Welcome.

P.s. Dont ask about the return policy- there isn’t one.
1/4/2023 8:59:29 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I don’t speak Brazlilian, I just play one on this site.
1/4/2023 9:07:10 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

No need to get all mushy…
1/4/2023 9:09:51 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Enjoy! May the odds be ever in your favor.
1/4/2023 9:18:45 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I believe, if you were to call that instance anything, it falls under the purview of an exchange, not a return. Words matter. Words hurt. So do nipple clamps.
1/4/2023 10:25:27 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Malarkey; Nobody buys the floral dragon gi. Not even Hunter.
1/4/2023 3:37:07 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Must… resist… so loud… the voice is so loud… go away jokes! Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh!
1/4/2023 3:43:44 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

1/4/2023 3:45:01 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

Must… resist…
1/4/2023 3:48:29 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

So “here4memes” is ironic? Well played.
1/4/2023 7:37:55 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Sharp" HPTX Shorts

I would have guessed you liked loud based on your username.
1/4/2023 6:28:23 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

^^^
1/4/2023 11:22:56 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

But the horizontal flap keeps the vertical Velcro closed until it's time for full-contact, horizontal Lambada. Just watch out for the hook side as it will chafe the heck out of your Tatanka Rosa if you aren't careful.
1/4/2023 11:31:17 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

Perhaps a bit of both… Mazel tov.
1/4/2023 11:51:30 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

What's your retainer? I feel like this may be a worthwhile investment.
1/5/2023 12:18:24 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

Ahh… A fellow lover of color. You arent altogether incorrect. The accents on the shorts are very close to HEX #FF7383 in the “Salmon Coral” color pallette.
1/4/2023 11:43:30 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear 2023 Nogi Shorts - Black/Coral

#metoo
1/5/2023 12:16:09 AM
Comment on:
Manto "X4" Gi (Royal Blue)

A sleeveless man.
1/5/2023 11:51:12 PM
Comment on:
Manto "X4" Gi (Royal Blue)

With, obviously. How else would I have covered up the tattoos?
1/6/2023 2:02:57 PM
Comment on:
Manto "X4" Gi (Royal Blue)

*hard hat sold separately
** This kimono does not meet OSHA low-light visibility standards.
1/5/2023 11:35:57 PM
Comment on:
Manto "X4" Gi (Royal Blue)

I always read your comments with an XXXX Gold accent.
1/6/2023 9:30:15 PM
Comment on:
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees

Cheifly because screen printing wasn’t invented until 1907. About 1,874 years after his death.
1/7/2023 12:22:20 AM
Comment on:
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees

Indeed to all above, with one observation. Wouldnt “Jew-Jitsu” be a more accurate descriptor for Krav Maga than BJJ?

Incidentally if a practitioner is both Jewish and a staunch conservative, would they train in Krav-MAGA?
1/7/2023 11:32:56 AM
Comment on:
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees

Thanks for the assist…
1/6/2023 11:26:57 PM
Comment on:
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees

You mustn’t forget to liberally insert “caralho”, “porra”, and “açaí” and talk about the “everyday porrada” into every conversation. It’s the cherry on top.
1/7/2023 12:43:04 AM
Comment on:
"Jiu Jitsu Saves" T-Shirt 2-PACK by BJJTees

Very Steve Jobs of you.
1/7/2023 12:30:09 AM
Comment on:
Manto "Future" Rashguard - Black

Cells
1/8/2023 6:04:14 PM
Comment on:
Manto "Future" Rashguard - Black

Interlinked.
1/8/2023 9:57:55 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Nineties" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Fine.
1/8/2023 11:10:27 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)

These are sweet, HQ. It was a tough roast.
1/9/2023 11:43:16 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)

Rough draft pasted accidentally. You’re welcome.
1/9/2023 11:26:55 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)

Just realized the wayer bottle pocket will fit a giant can of Monster so I’m sold. See you at the Starbuck’s. ;)
1/9/2023 11:39:57 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)

*blatantly
1/10/2023 7:49:56 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Lifestyle Bag (Black/Blue)

Still a good deal even without.

Now if you could work on getting some Quikflip Hoodies, the Vipers would be all but forgotten.
1/10/2023 2:08:50 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Arctic Black Ops" Rashguard

@fabval- im glad you liked it. Thanks for the compliment. Shoot me an email at xringfighter@gmail.com and I’ll send over permission.
1/11/2023 1:17:10 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Arctic Black Ops" Rashguard

@fabval- put together a family friendly version. Let me know where to send it and its yours.
1/11/2023 7:25:41 PM
Comment on:
Kitsune "Red Skies" Compression-Lined Shorts

@hq- I need an edit button.
1/12/2023 12:21:26 AM
Comment on:
Kitsune "Red Skies" Compression-Lined Shorts

Careful, I know where you shit.
1/12/2023 6:46:50 PM
Comment on:
Kitsune "Red Skies" Compression-Lined Shorts

Thats for the bear, not you, new dad.
1/12/2023 6:47:38 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Varsity Gi - White

My sincere wish is that these all sell out- forever.

I eagerly await what tomorrow night will bring.
1/13/2023 12:25:27 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

I really dig the aesthetic of the plain backside of the tee. Glad they showed it.
1/14/2023 12:04:08 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

Oh, I forgot the redhead chick from “Boy Meets World” you always had a suspicion would grow up to be hot but you lost track of her until last week when you found out that she became a porn star in her 30’s, from a buddy while you were rolling, and your “private” browser on google now has 18 open tabs and you keep hinting to your significant other that she’d look amazing as a red head.
1/14/2023 1:48:20 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

The word buffet comes to mind. I’ll admit I’d not been privy to her more professional exploits until i read your comment, only what I’d seen on Insta. I covered my eyes and only peeked through my fingers. Now i cant unsee it and my brain needs a good scrub.
1/14/2023 4:47:28 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

That was unabashed envy. I awoke this morning with a sore forehead from trying to do them last night.
1/14/2023 10:56:13 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

*** All proceeds of this sale go to Dr. Drew to fund a re-boot of Celebrity Rehab.
1/14/2023 10:58:05 AM
Comment on:
Tatami Kimuras T-Shirt - Royal Blue

:D
1/14/2023 11:42:17 AM
Comment on:
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu

Be kind to one another in my absence. Wish you all the best (except those three individuals who religiously thubs down my posts. You lot may choke on a Chanel tote dull of dongs)
1/15/2023 11:47:32 PM
Comment on:
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu

Obrigado.
1/16/2023 12:17:21 AM
Comment on:
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu

Speak your truth, fam. ????
1/16/2023 1:43:46 PM
Comment on:
GOLD LABEL V4 by 93brand Jiu Jitsu

Imagine the four question marks are a flexed bicep emoji.
1/16/2023 1:44:22 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Grey Worlds" HPTX Shorts

From my experience with the HPTX shorts, the listed size is the circumference of the fully contracted waistband. They have a couple of inches of stretch in them. I wear a 36 in jeans and the XL fit just right, definitely a looser fit in the thighs than the Rizr’s. I wont wear the HPLT’s as their length reminds me of Jamz.
1/17/2023 8:48:55 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Grey Worlds" HPTX Shorts

I dunno. How much does your mom usually carry?
1/17/2023 8:14:01 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Grey Worlds" HPTX Shorts

Nah fam. Not my show in the least. I’m just another over-caffeinated, American Psycho with insomnia on vacation in Cali. I write what I see. Sometimes in my head, sometimes out the window of my hotel.
¯\\\\'_(?)_/¯
1/17/2023 8:59:27 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Elemental Gi (Blue)

To be fair, I didnt invoke Seagal.
1/20/2023 11:10:21 AM
Comment on:
Fuji Elemental Gi (Blue)

It’s Fuji. They do what they want and you’ll do what they want. And like it.
1/20/2023 12:24:32 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Beast Mode" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Cut it too close my caucasian bovine friend.
1/20/2023 11:20:15 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Beast Mode" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Black belts gonna black belt… Parbens.
1/20/2023 11:17:31 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Beast Mode" Long Sleeve Rash Guard

Good work. Never would have thought of the Transformers angle. Generational thing, I suppose. Keep it up.
1/21/2023 1:32:29 PM
Comment on:
Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

You assume he wasnt gonna taste it.
1/22/2023 4:42:08 PM
Comment on:
Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

Did one for a Phalanx item on here. They liked it and asked if they could use it. I said yes, of course. I was flattered.
1/22/2023 6:27:32 PM
Comment on:
Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

Sorry brother. I was rooting for you.
1/22/2023 12:47:31 AM
Comment on:
Armbar Soap Company - Random 5-PACK

Shame, that. I look forward to fresh smelling tea bags.
1/22/2023 4:40:54 PM
Comment on:
Fuji Home Roll Out Mats

@Shitsu- just landed stateside an hour ago. One more leg till we’re home. Ill get it out this week fasho. <shaka>
1/23/2023 8:43:47 AM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi - Mint/Green

I was so close to going with a lobectomy or a CABG but settled on the fun one. ;)

Thanks for all you do, Doc.
1/23/2023 11:11:56 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi - Mint/Green

Poetry may well be your thing. I like it. Nicely done.
1/23/2023 11:07:12 PM
Comment on:
Inverted Gear Hybrid Gi - Mint/Green

Its a great kimono. You’re gonna dig it.
1/23/2023 11:33:27 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Butterfly Originals" Casual Gi Pants - Midnight Navy Colorway

2 pairs on the way!
1/24/2023 11:05:08 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Butterfly Originals" Casual Gi Pants - Midnight Navy Colorway

@HQ, a cool butterfly hoodie would do just fine.
1/24/2023 11:18:40 PM
Comment on:
93brand "Butterfly Originals" Casual Gi Pants - Midnight Navy Colorway

White Belt you got some pretty stylish blue belts in your neck of the woods, huh?
1/25/2023 1:15:00 AM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Squad Hawk" Rashguard

Phalanx speaks for itself. Plus, I’m busy binge watching your mom’s OnlyFans.
1/25/2023 11:45:48 PM
Comment on:
Phalanx "Squad Hawk" Rashguard

Yes.
1/26/2023 12:19:02 AM
Comment on:
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey

This kimono smells of cotton candy and a father’s disappoinment.
1/26/2023 11:52:41 PM
Comment on:
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey

Because people who train are a-maize-ing.
1/27/2023 11:21:23 AM
Comment on:
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey

Or your hard drives.
1/27/2023 12:26:28 AM
Comment on:
Meerkatsu "Zen Unicorn" Gi - Grey

Ignore this- popped it in the wrong spot.
1/27/2023 11:21:59 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Nostromo Long Sleeve Rashguard

I have no idea why it says bought this deal most of the time but this time I definitely bought it.
1/27/2023 11:31:42 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Nostromo Long Sleeve Rashguard

Lol, gym? I dont do jiu-jitsu. I just like this website.
1/28/2023 9:41:45 AM
Comment on:
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard

Sorry i ran late. I was on a date with J2’s mom/dad.
1/29/2023 1:44:58 AM
Comment on:
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard

You misspelled Texas corner gas station.
1/29/2023 1:43:37 AM
Comment on:
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard

Its worse. They designed these from scratch.
1/29/2023 1:53:55 AM
Comment on:
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard

I forgot to mention the “I took the cheapest option on Fivver” logo design.

You can tell all of their stuff was done by jiujitsu guys who may be black bets on the mat but they have zero design experience beyond an Etch-A-Sketch with one knob missing.
1/29/2023 1:52:39 AM
Comment on:
Aesthetic Tie Dye Rashguard

Well that didnt turn out quite the way you expected, huh RWG? Lol
1/29/2023 10:40:46 AM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

Youll look slick AF when you walk out onto the mats, tho.

I guess if your jiujitsu sucks, youll still look pretty fly getting carried off them. ???????
1/30/2023 12:30:07 AM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

No. I dont know what Chat GPT is but i imagine its some AI/ML thing i cant be arsed to search up. I use my imagination and try to knock them out as soon after the item posts as i can. Hence, the many grammatical, spelling and syntax errors.

I cant tell if youre trolling or not. If you are genuinely curious, there’s your glimpse behind the curtain.

If you *were trolling*; your mom.
1/30/2023 7:02:14 PM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

My close friend is a big guy. He’s 6’1”/300 down from nearly 400. He says in his case, he looks at the weight first then the height as just a guideline. He buys A6 and shrinks his kimono in hot/hot, then has it tailored for arm and inseam and tapered if need be. The main issue is in the torso being big enough to close around him. He’s had a few kimonos made to his measurements by a company called Killer Gi Kimonos. They werent much more expensive than an off-the-rack one.

Good luck and keep rolling.
1/30/2023 8:41:23 AM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

*Killer Bee Gi ( killerbeegi.com )
1/30/2023 8:43:50 AM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

I’ve narrowd it down to one of a few possibilites. It’s somone from a brand that i roasted, someone who doesn’t have a sense of humor, someone who thinks my posts are adolescent or someone who’s envious that they cant come up with the crazy shit i do. It may also be someone from HQ that doesnt appreciate me roasting there offerings or quite possibly a combination if the above. Thats about as much thought as i care to give it. Thank you for your kind words but they arent necessary. I find great joy in helping others in my own, dysfunctional way.
1/30/2023 9:27:17 PM
Comment on:
93brand C-SPEC "Blackout" Jiu Jitsu Gi

Fuck yes, King.
1/30/2023 10:02:57 PM
Comment on:
Kitsune "Bloom" Compression-Lined Shorts - Navy

Jobs help.
1/31/2023 10:10:43 AM
Comment on:
Scramble Snake and Dove Tee - Black

Inside of me is a hot snake and bubble guts. We had Indian food for dinner.
1/31/2023 11:42:21 PM
Comment on:
Scramble Snake and Dove Tee - Black

You nailed it Gordito. Nothing more needs to be said. Thanks for the night off.
1/31/2023 11:40:12 PM
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